I apologize for waiting so long to post; our lives became super hectic this last month, with visiting family members, lots of doctor appointments, and various commitments we had to fulfill. In addition, I was in charge of writing the program that the children in our church put on to show their parents what they have learned, and Kohl directed a short film (in the middle of editing his feature!). I was asked to be an extra (I’m almost entirely sure I was asked just because I have long hair), so I was on set. Now, however, things have started calming down a bit, and I can get back to my routine.
The air is just starting to change here. The days are still warm, but the breeze has just a touch of a chill in it, and the leaves are starting to turn. Every time one of those cool breezes hits my face, my heart leaps a little in my chest. Autumn is a time of change and possibility, and I can’t help but be happy as I look forward.
One of the best things coming up on my horizon is that Kohl will finally be done editing his feature film. He has been working so hard every day. He leaves in the morning, comes back for dinner, and then returns to the production office to keep editing. This has been his schedule for the last three months. I love how, as a filmmaker, he can work from home so much and how flexible his schedule can be, but, on the flip side, when he has a project deadline coming up he has to work regardless of whether it’s a Saturday, holiday, or special occasion. When he’s done (hopefully today or tomorrow), we’re going to take a day and just spend some time together.
In addition, my dialysis has been working really well. I’m not retaining fluid, and I feel a lot more energetic now that they’re being aggressive with my anemia. The only things I’m really struggling with is how out of control my emotions are and how slowly my brain works. I know that it’s only temporary, though, and it does make Kohl laugh to see me crying at commercials.
This is also the season when I start making all my Christmas presents. Last year I realized that I just don’t have enough time to make something for everyone, so I trade off making things for Kohl’s family and my family. I am so excited for the things I have planned. As I finish them, I’ll post them so you can see what I’ve been doing. In the meantime, here are some other projects I’ve been finishing up.
Of course, I have already been crocheting like a mad woman. Not only do I have literally a dozen friends and relatives having babies (and how can I resist making some adorable crocheted items for all those little joybugs?), but I also found out that one of my best friends is having a Walk for Down Syndrome in honor of her daughter Teila, and they are including a Craft and Bake Sale. I volunteered to send some crocheted hats, and I have absolutely loved working on them, for a couple of reasons.
Firstly, it’s nice to make something quick and without worrying about whether the person for whom I am making it will like it. I get to play with the colors and yarns I choose, some of which I’ve had for years just waiting for the right project. Secondly, when dealing with something as life-changing and all encompassing as a chronic disease, there is a real danger of becoming overly selfish. Your mind automatically reverts to survival mode, and nothing seems as important as getting what you feel you need immediately. I’ve watched this start happening to myself every time I start dialysis, but this time I made a goal to focus on other people more than myself, and opportunities to serve like this one help to counteract that selfishness. I still have a long way to go until I’m as generous as I need to be, but I have noticed that as I focus on being there for others the inevitable emotional upheaval and depression that come with dialysis have not affected me as much as they have previously. It makes sense, doesn’t it? You can’t be constantly thinking of how hard things are for you if you’re trying to think about how to make things easier for other people.
Plus, planning out what kindnesses I’m going to perform makes looking forward so much more pleasant.